So what have I been up to? Attempting to live my message of clean, pure  simplicity in everything I do I guess. This has lead to many things:

1. Moved from one mountain to another (Tamborine Mountain to Springbrook) – sigh, surrounded by nothing square and nothing but green – talk about the ultimate in simplicity! I walk 50 metres and there spread out before me is the most magnificent mountain view! Puts everything in perspective for me, reminds me how small I am and how short my life really is. I love it. See picture.

2. Easily maintaining a 80 – 90% living food diet – how simple is it to grab a capsicum, rip it open with my bare hands and chomp down… or just munching into a tomato and a handful of olives… Yum! Even now, looking through raw food “cook books” makes me drool whereas other cook books have no fascination at all for me. Do still love roast potato and yam though slathered in butter. Hard to imagine life without those.

3. Cut down on social activities and networking functions – to be totally truthful (don’t hold back now Susan!), I was never really much of a social bunny but I think I’ve been kinda hibernating and licking myself in the dark. Back on the shelf now though folks so watch out! I also used to go to every single networking function I could but for simplicities sake I’ve become more choosy about what I give my time and energy to: I’ve become more choosy about the relationships I want to develop and grow and those that show less potential. (This may sound a lil harsh – after all, we’re all special but you know how some relationships are just plain easy and flowing and other just aren’t and don’t? That’s what I mean about being more choosy.)

4. Rebranded and transformed my business - the clarity I have gained about mistakes I have made is incredible! I feel like I’m starting again but with a lot more knowledge and experience behind me. From the outside my work probably still looks like a “hobby” but I always did have to play by my own rules and I now it seems all the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. One big change was the realisation that working with stress and anxiety is 100% reactive – people don’t seek help until a major crises has happened or they’ve seen something about themselves they really don’t like. I decided I wanted to create something where I could focus on prevention and actually go out and directly find clients – Health and Wellness Programs for businesses with staff  is what it looks like. Have a squiz at www.susanliving.com. I’ve also realised there are certain things I excel at that I really haven’t been doing – speaking and running workshops for one. So more of that on the way too. I also want to create a community of people interested in health and wellbeing – it doesn’t look like much yet but head on over to  www.susansfoodforthought.com - I’ll be blogging away daily shortly with my journey on another fast (Good God no! Not 40 days this time! I think that was a once in a lifetime thing…) which I’d love to share with and (hopefully) stimulate as I fearlessly disclose and entertainingly educate.

Phew! Is that it? I’m sure there’s more but that will do for now.

Oh! Almost forgot! But what about Charles I hear you ask? What happened to him? He is also maintaining the 80 – 90% raw diet too – he loves it and has HEAPS less physical health issues and HEAPS more energy since the major diet change. As for weight loss – he is still working on it. He’s done up one extra belt buckle (which is BRILLIANT!) and is slowly figuring out how he can maintain weight reduction (not losing weight only to find it again). I was a bit of a driving force with making his story so public and in hindsight (what a marvelous thing that is) I should have perhaps left it in his hands. I’m glad he is doing this the right way for him rather than being obsessed with one diet after another – I don’t think that’s good for the body at all – I’m learning so much! You haven’t heard the last of his story I’m sure..

Till next we see each other in the flesh or online, I wish you vibrant health worth celebrating and a long life lived with great joy and your mental capacities fully intact!

Then we got married and as inevitably happens, things changed.

As the weeks expanded into years, his waistband followed suit and expanded along with time.

He says it’s my fault. He gave up his yoga and stayed in bed to cuddle me instead. He left his role as full-time carer for his sons and part-time fruit and vegie delivery biz and went back to a 40 hr / week desk job in IT. He started drinking beer to relax at the end of a long day.

I don’t really mind. I love him regardless of what he looks like. Sometimes he’s a bit heavy in the bedroom but that’s about it (I heard this described once as “it’s like having a closet fall on top of you with a key stuck in the lock!”).  He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. I don’t really mind but he minds and that bothers me. Being overweight affects his energy, his focus, his confidence, his self-esteem, his clothing choice, his libido and his ability to move freely (if you get what I mean).

His health has been affected in other ways too:

• return of nagging neck and shoulder tension
• chronic allergic reactions (to just about everything I reckon) – sneezing/hayfever like symptoms
• several (too many) colds, flus etc every year
• sever arthritic pain that wanders around his body on different days affecting different joints
• indigestion
• dry, itchy, inflamed scalp condition
• flatulence
• burping

As some of you may know, I’m an acupuncturist by trade but I can’t treat him! Treatment seems to make him worse. He doesn’t respond well to it. Even when he gets a massage he is sick as a dog for 2 days after!

Charles also says he feels like a fraud. Here’s me always rabbiting on about health and I’m married to a fat man! He doesn’t feel comfortable representing me and my business because he doesn’t appear to be a vibrant and glowing testimony to health.

So here he is, I took this photo on the 17th May 2009 (I had to really convince him about the photos – I told him they were good PR!) The journey begins… (the pics were removed recently)

They tell us so much about where our body, mind and emotions are at at any given moment. I think they tell us how healthy we are. I think they tell us how well we listen to the messages we are presented with each moment. Cravings can tell us when we are in balance and cravings can tell us when we are out of balance.

Even cravings for “bad” things tell us clearly what we need (and it’s usually not what we think…). A craving for alcohol (or some other mind-altering substance) for example can be a very clear message that we need to give our mind a break from thinking (and alcohol may be the easiest/cheapest/most accessible or the only way we know how to do that). If we are lucky enough to find another way to give our mind a break from thinking, we usually find that we crave alcohol much, much less.

I’m not really talking about the pros and cons of substitution when dealing with cravings or addiction, I’m talking about seeing beyond the manifestation of a particular craving to what’s really underneath and finding a way to satisfy that deeper need.

I had a really stressful day yesterday. At one point I started thinking about sugar. I couldn’t get it out of my head. The interesting thing was that I didn’t actually want sugar – I thought about chomping down a Cherry Ripe or slurping on a sweet cup of tea and there was no real urge or desire to go and do it. There was merely this circular thought – “I need sugar. I need sugar. I need sugar” and it didn’t have much power. I thought about what was really going on.

1. An emotional need to feel OK or to have someone else make me feel OK

2. A physiological need for more glucose in the brain (the brain is the biggest user of glucose in the body)

3. A habitual need to eat something that made me feel (slightly) better in the past

I debriefed with my husband for the emotional need but I was still thinking about sugar. I had some apple juice from a carton (not something I would usually consider – fresh made is SO much better). Still thinking about sugar. I went home. Still thinking about sugar. I began to come  up with alternatives to sugar that would give me the sweet/comfort taste I wanted but without the processed stuff. I got home and roasted a plateful of potatoes. 45 minutes in the oven. Not too bothered by the thought of sugar anymore. Yum. Very simple sugar. Lots of it. Not thinking about sugar anymore.

Since ending my fast I have watched my cravings shift. The first few weeks I wanted  nothing but fat – avocado, olives, oils and LOTS OF IT! My body was screaming for fat to repair itself and I gave it to it by the bucket load! This past week, fruit has been looking more appealing to me and so I’ve been eating it again. Fascinating I tell you! I love it. 

I think these green smoothies are really helping me to slow down the pressure of cravings too. They are giving my body and mind massive doses of micro nutrients. In the past, I NEVER would have been able to stop myself from having a block of dark peppermint club chocolate when I was feeling stressed out. I never would have been able to see the craving so clearly, see it for what it is and find an alternative. Not a substitute but a simpler response to my body’s needs.

How about you? What food cravings do you experience? How do you usually deal with them? 

As an aside, I’ve been enjoying writing this blog so much (and loving all the fantastic feedback!) that I’ve decided to continue it. As many of you know, my husband Charles is overweight and together we want to blog about his journey with weight loss! He has been bravely enjoying my renewed interest slash obsession with nutrition and living food and been coming along for the ride (yes, green smoothies and everything!) and all the books say raw food is the simplest way to lose and maintain weight loss. How exciting! Stay tuned for more…

: )

1.  I have stretch marks on my tummy! Seen commonly with puberty, rapid weight gain, pregnancy and as I have recently discovered, rapid weight loss. I first noticed the red, bruise like marks radiating out from my belly button about day 27 of my fast and I thought they were part of the funky rash thing. Didn’t think much more of them. They didn’t go away. I thought perhaps I had burnt myself by snuggling a hot water bottle too much but an off-hand comment from my husband about pregnant women and the penny finally dropped. Look! Stretch marks!!! I’m shocked!!! I was not expecting this at all… (I attempted photo evidence but the camera on my phone didn’t do them justice. Ask me to show you when you see me. Does my face not say it all???)

2.  I can no longer do a handstand in yoga. Not that I could ever free balance but I’ve never had a problem getting my legs up before. Tried today for the first time in ages – a total flop. Literally. My handstand will return in time, I know but it’s so fascinating to see how much body’s changed!

3.  Green smoothies are amazing! I’ve been hearing about them for years but the thought of whizzing up handfuls of spinach has never really turned me on before. I probably couldn’t think of anything worse. I’ve taken the plunge though and Charles and I have been blending on daily basis. Combinations of organic kale (the best anti-aging veggie there is), dandelion greens (so bitter but very, very good for the liver), lettuce, chili (great source of vitamin C – just enough to add a kick), banana, oranges and apples or anything else we have in our fruit bowl or in the fridge that’s green and leafy. Sure, the first day or so took a bit of getting used to but green smoothies taste surprisingly good. They taste clean and pure and simple. Almost like food the way humans are meant to eat it. They say green smoothies are excellent for pretty much everything really – any condition you may have. I am most interested in the detoxification, craving-ending and energy-boosting aspects of drinking my greens every day and I feel pretty darn good! When I first started looking into making this a part of my health and happiness mission, I thought it would be a hassle and take a long time but I have found it so quick and very, very easy to clean up the blender, knife, glass and cutting board afterwards – convenient even (it takes me less than 5 minutes to make a smoothie for two). Check this out if you wanna give it a whirl yourself: The Green Smoothie Challenge I reckon it will make a HUGE difference to your energy and health!

As you guys know, I’ve been madly devouring books on nutrition for the past 2 months and here’s a quote I came across yesterday which rang true for me because I want to feel incredible every day of my life. I want to be around until I’m at least 110 with my body and my mind vibrantly intact. I want to celebrate and squeeze every last drop out of this gift of life I was given when my Mum and Dad came together decades ago. I want to be HEALTHY and I want to do what it takes easily and joyously to be so. I reckon you do too or you probably wouldn’t have read this far : ) Here tis. Tell me what you think.

“The greatest value of the raw-food diet is it’s transformative value. To a great extent, when you take up the raw-food diet, you become a new and different person. You don’t just stay the same old person only a little healthier. You become, to a great extent, a new being with new interests, a new philosophy and outlook on life, new goals and new desires. You become more of your essence, your true natural self. You become a person who is more a part of the one great life of Nature and less of the confused human world. You become less “of the world” and more “of the Earth”.
Joe Alexander

I hadn’t realised I missed walking and moving so much! For the last 4 weeks of my fast I was couch-bound and pretty much all I did (and all I could do) was the bare minimum walking (more of a shuffle really) and climbing stairs while gripping tightly to the banister and slowly hauling my shaky body up. Exercise is amazing! Especially when you can stride it out in magnificent national parks every day. I hardly ever see anyone else walking – just the tourists on the weekend. I guess it’s that whole taking it for granted when it’s so close to home thing. I think our bodies are made to walk. It’s the most natural and body-friendly repetitive action there is. I heard once that simply walking (not necessarily power walking but even just strolling) for 45 minutes a day will increase your life expectancy by 17.5 years. Not bad hey?

My energy has been absolutely amazing too. I feel incredible. Charles keeps telling me to tone it down a bit – he said he’s never seen me so bright in the 4 years he’s known me. I knew that time would unveil changes I couldn’t see during the last weeks of my fast – I was feeling pretty crappy for a lot of it and I guess I needed time to recover, to regain my strength and to integrate the knowledge gained. It seems so easy for me now to make the right choices in my food, to make the right choices in my business, to make the right choices for my family and my body. So effortless. Magical almost. And very, very simple.

I love food. I love living food. I love growing my own sprouts (buckwheat sprouts taste great with avocado and a bit of salt and pepper!). I love how I just can’t seem to hold on to any negative emotion at all. I mean, I’m not enlightened (yet) but when the odd moment of annoyance or anger arises it seems to slip away before I’ve even really noticed it’s there. It’s like I don’t have the energy to stay upset about anything at all or I have too much energy to bother getting upset at all.

Life is good. I was actually crying about it the other day. I was listening to some beautiful music and had tears of gratitude for the gift of life I’ve been blessed with, the sheer magnificence of being able to breathe. Sigh… Yes, I’m a sap and I cry at sad movies but I feel like I’m softer, my heart is softer, my mind is softer, my defenses are softer.

I’m very aware of my physical being and how it responds to not only the food that I feed it but to the world around me. Some rather gentlemanly fellow in a rather large 4 wheel drive banged into me in my car yesterday. Rather inconvenient really. It was a pleasant interaction, no problems but a great observational experience of watching the stress response with utter clarity in my body. Often the physical stress response is accompanied by a psychological stress response too but not for me this time. I was rather awake to my senses, my heart rate increased for about 40 minutes afterwards and I could feel it beating in my chest, my hands were shaking and didn’t stop for 30 minutes, I had to keep taking deep breaths – cortisol and adrenaline are powerful stuff! (These are our main stress hormones responsible for the “fight” or “flight” physiological response to stress) Rather cool indeed. I found this rather cool diagram too.

Anyone know of a good (i.e. cheap) smash repairer?

I love tomatoes. I really love olives. I haven’t been sticking to the doctor of divinity’s strict dietary guidelines but I’m OK with that. Everything in moderation including moderation after all right?  So me forging ahead, ever the maverick, I disovered the following:

1. I had a coffee (why do I do these things to myself?) Crazy. Manic. Could NOT stop. Poison in my body. I drank it black (they say that’s the healthiest way to consume coffee) and very weak at about 9.00 am and did not sleep that night. Crazy. One interesting thing was that I did not feel anxious in the mind at all – just a very noticeable speeding up of my physical activity. Not going to that one in a hurry again. 2. I went out socially on Friday and had 2 beers! I thought one would have send me totally tipsy but I didn’t even feel it! I thought that was because my liver must be so clean and efficient that it processed the alcohol immediately. Usually I feel very small amounts of alcohol (like one or two sips and I’m tipsy!) and I’ve always put this down to my liver being rather deficient due to years of abuse and neglect so a very surprising response. 3. I had a small piece of organic meat on Saturday. It tasted good but just sat in my belly like a big, immovable log. A bit uncomfortable. I hadn’t felt uncomfortable in so long from food in my belly that it gave me a big message – uh uh – not ready for that, don’t eat that again. No problem. That slight discomfort after I ate it also reminded me of what I generally felt like pretty much after EVERY meal before I fasted. I think everything I was eating my body was having a hard time with. I hadn’t seen that quite so clearly before apart from acknowledging how well the fruit was sitting with me. Very easy to eat and it always felt good in my belly. 4. I had one and a half avocados on Sunday – so yummy in my mouth but my tummy did not like that either and sent me painful cramps for about 3 hours afterwards. Avocado is such an amazing fruit and almost like a staple in vegetarian and vegan diets and I love them. However, years ago when I was following the blood type diet, I stopped eating them because they are supposed to be “bad” for people with O type blood. Maybe it was too early to eat all that fat. Maybe I just had too much. Maybe it would’ve been OK if I had just eaten it alone (without having it with tomatoes and olives). Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. 5. I ate some chocolate. Yuck. My body did not like it at all. What a revelation!!!! This alone is life changing! I much prefer the simple sugar from a banana or some other unrefined source.

So back to simplicity this week. Lots of fruit, tomatoes, olives and ooooh, I think I’m gonna eat some yummy rocket today too! Integration continues and my mind is loving the new ideas that are sprouting. (I’ve got some fenugreek sprouts growing and they should be ready by tomorrow – they’re gonna taste so good with my tomatoes and olives!)

I really like this new change. How amazing would it be to break all psychological ties to sugar as a comfort food! My friend Lisa, from I’ve Got Life says – sugar is devoid of all nutrients other than energy and acts like a drug in the body. It’s going to feed a whole colony of organisms in my gut that I probably don’t want to reestablish at this stage. Besides fruit is sweet enough!

I am amazed at how drug-like and addictive sugar is – the more you have it, the more you crave it, the more you have it, the more you need of it to get the same effects. This fast has really cleaned me out and woken up my taste buds and what used to taste good to me (ie. sugar and tea) tastes crappy now. I like it. 

I was feeling quite down yesterday (maybe it was the kiwi fruit) and I had hair cut and colour and a great conversation with my hair dresser. I really wouldn’t consider myself a girly-girl (ie. I’m really not into handbags, shoes and makeup) but it made me feel so good – looking after my appearance in that way after having almost totally neglected my reflection for the past 40 days was rather liberating. 

Yesterday, kiwi fruit – a bit more on the BM side of things – I reckon kiwi fruit work better than prunes! After the overpowering sweetness of the grapes, I chose some really hard kiwi fruits and the slight tartness was very welcome in my mouth. My tongue went a bit furry like the skin after a while though. Couldn’t find any info on the DoS for kiwi fruit. Hmmm… what’s furry on the outside? What does that picture look like to you? It’s so beautiful. Anyway, they are very high in vitamin C and potassium and may contain an enzyme that reduces cholesterol and improves circulation : )

Today, pears. Not all that satisfying. Hunger hasn’t been a problem for me at all but pears just aren’t doing it for me. I’ve been thinking about food ALL DAY. There’s a luscious and very ripe tomato sitting in our fruit bowl and a gorgeous avocado in the fridge. I keep thinking about how good they would taste just chopped in a bowl with a little salt. Yum…. Shhhh tummy!

Pears – the most valuable source of alkaline healing and cleansing minerals: potassium, sodium. calcium, magnesium, iron and manganese. They say that having a more alkaline internal pH is the best way to prevent all sorts of degenerative and inflammatory conditions and you get an alkaline pH by eating lots of fresh fruit and veg, not much meat, and avoiding coffee and alcohol and licit and illicit drugs.

Pears have HEAPS of sodium in them which 1. is essential for the production of saliva which promotes carbohydrate digestion and 2. it’s also required to ensure proper elimination of carbon dioxide waste from the lungs. Pears are good to eat before a meal coz they improve digestion and they target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs! Very cool : )

Grapefruits are F*CKING AMAZING!!!! I got up this morning and had my usual hot water and lemon and about half an hour later I could feel my bowels beginning to move. Hallelujah! Praise the lord! I would’ve thought I would have had to have consumed more fibre but no… grapefruit, I love you.  (It wasn’t quite like one of those really satisfying BMs I was talking about yesterday but it was pretty darn awesome : )

From the ultimate in sour to the ultimate in sweet,my first food post-fasting is grapes. A different fruit every day this week is on the cards.

Heaps of people have cured themselves of cancer with grape fasts – I think there’s even a clinic in Europe somewhere dedicated to curing cancer with grape fasts (or more accurately, “grape food cure”). I don’t how people do it. I’ve really struggled to get through one day eating nothing but grapes but people do this for 6 weeks! SO SWEET! 

I imagine all that fructose hitting my system is quite a shock to my body and it certainly doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would to eat again. I’m really having to force myself to eat the grapes. I’ve been experiencing moments of nausea all day, even a bit of a headache at one point. I’m sure it will pass. 

On to grapes and how amazing they are. I remember learning many years ago about the Doctrine of Signatures when I was studying herbalism, aromatherapy and food as medicine. The Doctrine of Signatures (DoS) quite simply is about the miracle of design in every plant, herb, whole food, fruit and vegetable. This signature is an indication of what part of the human  body consuming that plant it will best heal. The DoS looks at the colour, the shape, the leaves, the roots and the growing habits of each plant or food and has been around and used in medicine since Ancient Greek times. Very interesting stuff.

I was looking closely at my grapes as I ate them, trying to determine what signature they had and how they would benefit my body. I thought at first of the alveoli in the lungs – the branching of grapes kinda looks like that. I then looked it up and found out a bit more about what I was eating.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape is like a blood cell and much research done today indicates that grapes are profound heart and blood vitalising foods. Grapes are diuretic (rich in potassium and low in salt) so they assist the body in ridding itself of toxins through the urine (don’t think I particularly need this at the moment, personally). According to a study from the University of Michigan, grapes help fight high blood pressure related to a salty diet. Grapes also have a laxative effect (YAY!!) because of the fibre in the skin and seeds.

In a study involving lab rats that had salty diets, those fed a grape-enriched diet powder had better heart function, reduced blood pressure and fewer signs of heart muscle damage than rats who ate an equally salty diet but did not get the grape powder. Grapes are good for your heart also because of the polyphenols they contain. Black grapes especially are rich in cardio-protectors which stop blood clots from forming.

Grapes are the best source of the mineral MANGANESE which is the “memory mineral”. Manganese is important for nourishment of the brain and nervous system, maintenance of sex hormone production (think pictures of fat Roman emperors being handfed grapes by  half-naked women here), regulation of menstruation and breast milk production. Manganese also activates essential enzymes so we can use B vitamins (we all know how important they are for our stressful modern lives don’t we?) and in the formation of healthy red blood cells. Grapes also have heaps of silicon in them for good looking skin, hair, teeth, eyes and brain function.

Mmmmm…. grapes. 

Speaking of food… we went to the best market in Brisbane this morning – Northey St. Organic Market and spent $100 on the most luscious grapes, apples, pears, kiwi fruit, plums, bananas, rockmelons and lemons around. Charles is going to do the week on one fruit a day with me! I reckon a fruit cleanse will do him the world of good : )  I also bought 7 grapefruit. My man Don Tolman recommends on Day 40 to drink 1-2 litres of fresh grapefruit juice. Blech! He says it’s the best de-clogger in town. De-clogs arteries, the alimentary canal, urinary tubes, brain cells, the heart etc. etc. I tried to find ruby grapefruit but this is the wrong season and I could only find 7 yellow ones so I’m drinking it rather slowly right now. Blech! (I make that face every time I have a mouthful.) It sure must be doing a world of good though. I can almost feel it cleaning me out and I’ve only had 3 very teensy sips.

I just LOVE going to fresh organic markets. I’ve been eating it for so many years I just can’t get excited about regular fruit and veg anymore. I also could never go back to buying fruit and veg from a health food store – it all looks so limp and old. The organic food at the markets is just singing with life and energy and freshness! It smells so incredible! Just looking at it makes you feel healthy. And the taste.. Oh my god! Far better than anything conventional. I truly believe eating organic fruit and veg is the best thing each of us can do to protect and promote our health, support our local businesses and nurture the environment. Yes, it is more expensive but for me, it’s worth it every single time.

Wow. That grapefruit juice is really working! I’m starting to feel all buzzy and light in the head. Heaps more energy too. Oooh! It’s burning in my tummy!

As far as bodily functions go, I’m really looking forward to having a dump (sorry, that was rather crass.) Kind of a funny thing to look forward to. You know that feeling though when you have a really satisfying bowel movement? You feel complete. You feel clean. You feel empty and you wish every bowel movement could be as good as that….The intestinal extraction thing I tried with the clay, flaxseeds and psylium husks didn’t work so I did it again and doubled the ingredients. Still nothing moving at all down there. So bring on the fibre! Oh, I can’t wait for my skin to fully heal also – it’s heaps better than it was a few weeks ago but it’s still itchy every day, especially at night.

As far as weight loss goes – many of you know I don’t really believe in scales so I can’t tell you exactly how much my fast has taken off. In the past week though, I have noticed two new things. 1. When I sleep my legs feel really bony pressing together – there’s usually a nice cushion effect happening between my thighs but now there just seems to be bones everywhere!  2. I put on a bra this morning (I avoid these as much as possible and only wear those prisons of womanhood when light coloured tops and social convention insist) and it didn’t fit me! At all. Previously, I would have it done up on the loosest clips but even the tightest was still loose around my chest. Weight loss really wasn’t a concern or goal when I began this and I still have a fair bit of meat around my thighs and arms – I love being a woman : ) I probably wouldn’t still look as OK as I do if I wasn’t. See my before (taken day 2 of my fast) and after photos (taken day 40). Thought I’d wear the same clothes : )

As far as this blog goes, I’m going to continue writing in it for a while. Perhaps not every day but I want to see how I integrate the insights, ideas and changes into my life and my relationship with food that have been revealed. That is when the true outcomes will be known and I’ll really know for sure I have had a good look at my food issues. I’m really quite excited also about raw food and I’ve been reading a lot of recipe books – the only recipes that appeal to me are raw so that’s how I’m going to start. Nothing too extreme. There really is no substitute for how good roast pumpkin tastes but I’ve got my food processor and we just bought a food dehydrator from EBay. All I need now is a massive mortar and pestle and a mandolin slicer (for doing long, noodle-like strips of vegies. Here comes Thai green paw paw salad (yum!) and pumpkin cookies and living crackers and guacamole!

Eventually, I may even register a domain name and turn this site into a general sharing of food as medicine, food addiction, nutrition in daily life and concepts, studies and stories of food and health…

Thank you so much for listening and offering me your stories about food, fasting, feedback and comments. I hope you have learned a little from my experience that will maybe touch your life in some way. A guy at a market stall bowed to me today. He told me I was amazing and said “blessings to you sister.” I almost cried! 

After experiencing an inside/out, topsy/turvy, back to front range of emotions over the last 40 days, I have returned to excitement. It feels so good. My mind is clear. I understand emotional attachment versus nutritional need. I know my health is in my own hands and I have full and absolute choice over what I do with these hands every single day. 

So do you.

 My beautiful husband stayed the night with me in my forest paradise but the parents are away the kids will play (well, our certainly will anyway) and my homecoming was marred somewhat. While Charles was away a drunken joy ride from some spare keys Charles forgot were lying around resulted in no injury but a smashed front bumper in my car and a severely dented side in our van. Probably about $1000 worth of damage.

Anyone want some teenage boys? Anyone?

I’m not angry so much as scared for them – Luke (our 15 year old) can’t actually remember what happened (although apparently he was driving) and the other 2 friends he was with are no help. I’m scared to think that they would even consider driving or getting in a car with anyone who was as drunk as they obviously were. Very scary stuff indeed. Boys are indeed a different breed.

Anyway,
Part 3 of my food saga continues… 

I think I was about 13 when I first stuck my fingers down my throat and made myself vomit. I remember it clearly. We had just finished eating dinner and I got up from the table and went to the bathroom. I turned the tap on so no one would hear me, lifted the toilet seat and rammed two fingers in mouth. I gagged. I did it again and up came my recent dinner – hot, gross but strangely satisfying as is plunged into the toilet bowl. Wow. That was good, I thought. I blew my nose. I cleaned up the toilet with toilet paper. I cleaned my mouth out and went back to sit with my family, nobody the wiser.

Probably the most apt description I have ever heard of bulimia comes from mastery of Louise Haye:
“A violent purging of self-hatred”.

Yup. That’s it exactly. I continued to do this off and on for the next 10 years – always hating myself that I did it (it’s a very disgusting experience) but always finding it made me feel better too. I tried about 6 months or so of anorexic behaviour – not eating at all and whenever I had too (like around my family), I would vomit afterwards – but that didn’t’ really work for me. I think I liked eating too much. Also, my family and others kept commenting on how skinny I was getting and I didn’t like that at all. As far as bingeing goes, well, I spent and awful lot of money on food. Utter crap. I won’t list the food I used to binge on – I think it would make you want to throw up too! My sister was an active influence in the crap food available – when she was 15 she left school and went on the dole for the next 3 years. When she got paid, she would go to the local shops and buy heaps of crap and borrow some videos and than want someone to share it with her. Enter me. I was a willing consort.

I won’t go on with this particular episode apart from saying my teenage food issues are very much related to my long-term drug use (but that’s a story for another time and place). In my husband’s counselling studies, one of his lecturers completed his masters with a thesis on intravenous drug use and bulimia in girls. Quite a common issue apparently. I will also say that perhaps because of my healthy habits in general, I have repaired and reversed many of the chronic health concerns that living that kind of life can give you. 

So,  I started studying and just devoured everything that came my way that had anything to do health and happiness. I’d always been an avid reader and my interest in mental and emotional well-being started when I discovered a dusty copy of Shakti Gawain’s “Creative Visualisation” (has anybody else read that classic?) that I found in my father’s secondhand shop where I used to work every Saturday.

I got a degree and 3 certificates and did every other course that came my way that even vaguely sounded good and I crammed my head full of knowledge. I experimented with so many diets looking for the best one of them all. Blood type, gluten free, ayurvedic, fat free, vegetarian, vegan, fruit etc etc. I was strict. I was spartan. I was an extremist. I didn’t wear or use anything leather for about 3 years. I ate only organic food or I didn’t eat at all. I wouldn’t go out to eat at restaurants or at people’s places because I wouldn’t know what they were putting in the food. I never drank alcohol or coffee or tea or soft drinks. I fasted. I took vile tasting herbs and supplements. I choked down seaweed drinks and juices. I had acupuncture and deep tissue and lymphatic drainage and oriental massage. I went to homeopaths, naturopaths, spiritual healers, aromatherapists, kinesiologists, counsellors, physios, chiropractors, herbalists, osteopaths, psychologists and many, many more. I’d come across things that seemed to work for a while and then they would stop working. Story of my life.

Then I stopped doing all that for a while and decided I needed to stop caring so much and stop doing so much. It was time to integrate. I started eating in a much more relaxed kind of way. I was given my first piece of organic meat in 10 years. I started looking better. I started feeling better. I started getting healthier. But then, the pendulum swung back the other way which is a story I’ve already told so now it’s time for balance in ALL things.

I am very blessed to have found the will/strength/desire (or whatever that magic ingredient is that makes lasting change possible) to educate myself and discover how to heal my body, mind and emotions. I guess that’s primarily the message I have to share – that no matter what your condition or how unhealthy you are or what horrific things you’ve been through, you can heal yourself, you can move to more positive frame of mind and attitude, you can change. I also know how impossible it is to create real change without a sense of passion and purpose, without a knowledge of the bigger picture and without gratitude for the gift of life.

Boy, am I looking forward to the end of this fast. It’s been an amazing experience.